Becoming our true selves can be a long and complicated journey if it ever begins. And there is no guarantee that we will arrive at the end of the journey of being, accepting, and loving our best selves. In fact, when the journey ends, life’s circumstances may require that we begin another journey on the road to authenticity.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines authentic as “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.” Becoming one’s true self at work, at home, amongst friends, and to the public at large will require vulnerability and courage. But over time, and with small steps it can be achieved. Here are a few steps that can start you on your journey.
Becoming Self-Aware
You don’t know what you don’t know; and you know what you know. But you can also not know that you don’t know something. If you don’t know that you don’t know, there’s no way to bring about change. Yes, the rabbit hole can become very deep very quickly. But it is important to become more self-aware. To gain greater self-awareness, you should consider giving permission to one or more trusted partners, friends, or colleagues to offer their observations, assessments, or opinions of you. You might have a slight idea that you do this or that, but you are not certain. Gaining objective and honest feedback will help reveal your blind spots – things that you are not aware of but are visible to others.
There are also things that you can identify for yourself that are either working for you or getting in your way. With some honest introspection and reflection, you are likely to identify these things. It may cause pain and hurt, or joy and celebration, but for certain it will bring about self-awareness.
Achieving Self-Acceptance
Now that you are aware of this new information, what will you do with it? Do you acknowledge it, do you avoid confronting it, do you ignore it, do you accept it as truth? Do you adopt it as your truth? Should you choose to accept this new awareness, you are making a huge step. It is not always easy to come face to face with our truth. Particularly if that truth is less than pleasing to us.
Practicing Self-Development
Having accepted this new awareness as your truth, what do you want to do about it? Does it require some level of change on your part? Is it serving you well, or acting as an obstacle to becoming your best self? Depending on what your answers are, you might want to go about the process of doing some deep work to move you further along on your journey.
Acknowledging Self-Doubt
Most of us contend with chatter in our heads. It has many names and comes in many forms: gremlins, chattering monkeys, doubting Debbie/Donnie, or the infamous and dreaded “imposter syndrome.” Our self-doubts are many things. The doubts are our ego trying to protect us from harm (but in doing this our ego makes us safe and small). Our doubts are the sum of all our groundless fears. Our doubts are the catastrophic “what if” thinking that keeps us from being our best selves. Although it might be fleeting, even the greatest of the greats experience their moments and times of self-doubt. And if you are not experiencing any doubts, maybe that goal, mission, or vision is not audacious enough.
But we cannot remain frozen or locked into inaction by our doubts. There are some very quick self-examination questions that can walk us back from the ledge. What, if anything, about this thought is true? What prior experience in life might this thought be rooted in? How have I previously tamed this doubt? Doubt is rarely based in fact or logic. When we process our self-doubts through the stress test of facts and logic, they are unlikely to prevail.
Learning Self-Management
Walking and living in your truth is not a license to do whatever, whenever. It is very difficult to exist in this world alone. Yes, you can choose to remain to yourself and not have friends. Yes, you can have an independent source of wealth that allows you not to work. But unless you are fueling your own mode of transportation, growing your own food, or living on unincorporated, untaxed land, at some point you will have to navigate interpersonal relationships.
In managing those relationships, you will need to learn to manage yourself. Your true self may abhor deadlines, enjoy living in the moment, and freestyle all that you do, but as you interact with others there will be some level of navigation required. You just might need to adhere to some deadlines – particularly when you are an employee in someone else’s business. However, in no way am I suggesting that you should ever violate the core non-negotiable values or principles of your authentic self. If you cannot be your authentic self AND manage an interpersonal relationship, you just might have to say goodbye to that relationship.
Embracing Self-Regard
Finally, you should strive to get to the place along the journey where warts and all; highs and lows; good and bad; you like or love the sum of who you are. If you have developed all that can be developed, if you have let go of all that can be let go of, if you have cast from your life those persons whom you have not given permission to offer opinions, judgments, or assessments of you; and if you are leaning into a strengths-based life, you are well on your way to authentically living your life.
Reflections Questions:
What are the areas or domains of your life where you might explore greater self-awareness?
To what extent can you accept as your truth what you might learn?
What opportunities exist for self-development to achieve authenticity?
What prompts can you create to challenge thoughts of self-doubt?
When might you need to practice self-management when living as your authentic self?
Looking into the future, what might life look or feel like if you are living as your authentic self?
Authenticity